I never knew His love until I knew this love -Sarah Hart

Tuesday, March 23, 2010


It's one week shy from my daughter's 6 month birthday and what a life changing 6 months it's been! I've been thinking back over the last 5 months and 3 weeks on how much I'm starting to learn through this journey called motherhood and decided to start a blog to chronicle my new adventure. I say "starting to learn" because it is truly just beginning! Hopefully at the end of my life I'll be able to pass on wisdom to those after me about what I learned through being a mother because I will have done my job well. I hope to have it all figured out by then! In the mean time it's all about the journey.

I grew up with a single mom who was an amazing woman and mother. I'm proud to also call her my friend today. This is very important to mention because she is my example of what a mother is so my relationship with her will have a profound impact on how I raise my own daughter. I met my husband when I was sixteen years old. And pretty much knew from the moment we met that he would one day be my husband. We married when I was twenty years old in 1998 and have been very happy ever since. I've always been a very goal oriented person. I love to travel, I was a ballet dancer until the age of 24 and then graduated first in my class in nursing school. Being so focused on "accomplishing" things, I'm sure there were those that doubted we would ever have a child. However, we knew we wanted to wait a good ten years so we just continued to stick to our plan on waiting. So eleven years after we were married we finally decided to go for it and four months after we decided we might be ready for a baby we were pregnant! Geez, I sure hope we were ready! Well, I can definitely say I'm so glad we waited to start a family but I can't say we were exactly ready. How can you be? Nobody can possibly prepare you for this experience!

Part of the reason I wanted to wait until I was in my 30's is because I just felt too selfish to raise a child at a young age. Now I know I was too selfish. It's amazing though how one minute all you really care about is yourself and the next all you care about is this little person you've just met. I'm not sure if being older makes you less selfish or just simply becoming a mother. Maybe it just comes naturally no matter what. I always laugh now because I remember my mom would just give me the food off her plate if I thought it looked good. She still does that by the way. I used to think, isn't she ever hungry? If I'm hungry I don't want to give my food away. Well now I get it. I'd give Mollie anything of mine if she wanted it and would be glad to do it!

I am truly amazed at what I am learning about myself. Some good, some definitely not so good but I'm very proud of the person I'm going to become through this. I'm also proud of the married couple and parents I know that my husband and I will become. I know that Gregory and I will only be strengthened in a way we couldn't have imagined. I've never felt more of a sense of purpose in my life until becoming a mother. I hurt for any woman who never gets this chance especially for those who want to so desperately. The moment Mollie was placed on my chest after she was born nothing else mattered. All of those things I thought I wanted to accomplish mean nothing now. I know, if I can raise a healthy, happy, loving person who knows she is loved by someone more than anything, that I've done what I was placed on this earth to do. Yes, it's going to be quite a journey but I'm ready for it!

1 comment:

  1. this is just beautiful! you said it so well, and you are right about the baby steps! so nice to hear your sweet words and your daughter will appreciate them too someday i know. i am going through all of the same emotions again with #2 born oct. 5. you definately wear your heart outside your chest with your children.
    vanessa viken mccain