I never knew His love until I knew this love -Sarah Hart

Friday, March 26, 2010


This journey starts with the day my life changed forever, the day from which all things in my life would be measured as before or after, the day of Mollie's birth and subsequently my own. As far as my pregnancy, all I can say is wow! It's amazing how new everything is during pregnancy yet how natural it all is. You've never felt a baby move inside you but when it happens you know exactly what it is! Every twist and turn, every time you get to hear the baby's heartbeat and oh when you get to have that 20 week ultrasound and see that little profile for the first time, what treasures!

Gregory and I had spent the entire nine months preparing and waiting as all expectant parents do. We were filled with a little apprehension and fear of the unknown but also a lot of excitement for the next chapter in our lives to start. I remember feeling a little sad that it would never just be Gregory and I anymore. I could never have known how much better our lives were about to become!

This leads us to Mollie's birth. She was due on October 2nd . I was set for an induction on September 30th. Little did we know she was planning on coming anyway! Early in the morning on September 29th I had what I thought might be a real contraction. It wasn't overly painful but definitely more than the usual tightening of my belly I'd gotten used to feeling. The contractions got very regular, happening at 30 minute intervals. Gregory and I went out on what would be our last dinner together with life as we knew it. By the end of dinner, my contractions were a little stronger and happening at 20 minute intervals. I was beginning to wonder if I would make it until my scheduled induction at 5am the next morning. By 9:30 that night they were 10 minutes apart so I called the doctor on call, after 2 hours like I was instructed to do, and she said if I planned on an epidural to just go ahead and go in to be prepped for the next morning. I woke Gregory up, who'd fallen asleep on the couch while I'd been timing my contractions, and told him it was time to go.

By the time I was admitted to the hospital and settled in it was around 2 am. I was feeling very anxious but overall pretty relaxed. We were pretty sure I wouldn't be having a baby before noon. How wrong we were! I was started on Pitocin around 3am. I was told I could have the epidural as soon as I wanted but my contractions weren't bad and still 10 minutes apart so I felt there was lots of time. The nurse said , "well, maybe the next time I come in." The next time she came in I was sitting in bed calm and relaxed when all of a sudden, Gush!!!! My water broke and the pain went to a completely different level. All I could think was why hadn't I already gotten that epidural when I had the chance! The nurse called anesthesia immediately. Within 45 minutes I had my epidural. All I can say is, thank you God that I wasn't bearing a child in a time when there were no epidurals. It was pure Heaven! This all happened by 4:30am and by 7:30am I was ready to deliver! She probably would have been born about 20 minutes later but we had to wait on the doctor. It was the most calm, relaxed environment surprisingly. Just me, Gregory and the nurse for the first little bit. And then the doctor joined in. I couldn't have planned an easier labor and delivery! And then it happened. Mollie Anneliese was born at 9:01 that morning! She was screaming robustly before she was even completely out! I remember thinking, "I am really going to have my work cut out for me with this one" and boy was I right! She's quite the "spunky" little girl!
I will never as long as I live forget the moment my daughter was placed on my chest just seconds after she was born. I was literally holding my heart in my arms. In an instant I knew I would love her unlike anything I'd ever loved in my life. It was truly the best day of my life. It's quite a scary thing to love something so much because with that kind of love comes a lot of heartache. Any fears I ever had for myself in life are now for her. Anytime she hurts, I will hurt more. I can't bear the thought of her ever being in pain but one day she will be. I can't bear the thought of her being sick but it will happen. I can't bear the thought of someone breaking her heart but that will happen too. Oh Lord, if I could just take on every bad thing that would ever happen to her, please let me! Let her life be perfect and blemish free and let me take the hurt in this world for myself instead like you did for us. But alas, that's not how life works. And thus begins this most difficult, rewarding and joyful life long journey called motherhood and thus through the birth of my daughter the birth of myself.

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